School — most viewed jokes

- Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention

- Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can!

- Teacher: Make up a sentence using the word lettuce!

- Pupil: Let us out of school early!

How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

- Teacher: I see you don't cut your hair any longer.

- Fred: No sir, I cut it shorter.

What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil?
→ One rarely bites and the other barely writes!

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school.

She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast.

"No," the son replies. "I don't wanna go to school!"

"You HAVE to go to school," the mother scolds.

"No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky."

"You WILL go to school, young man," the mother warns.

"Why? Why do I have to go to school today?" the son asks.

The mother is about to lose her patience.

"Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!"

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

A Polish student was in his the college campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This book will do half the job for you."

"Good," the Polack replied, "I'll take two."

"Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn't know. Today she asked us again!"

- Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.

- Pupil: You have my permission!