Random joke from this category
A Polish student was in his the college campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This book will do half the job for you."
"Good," the Polack replied, "I'll take two."
What did one math book say to the other?
→ Man I got a lot of problems!
- Teacher: Are you good at math?
- Pupil: Yes and no
- Teacher: What do you mean?
- Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!
Caught napping at work, school, or church...try this one.
Guaranteed to work!
Just pick your head up real fast and say:
"...in JESUS' name...
AMEN!"
(he-he...how can they yell at you for this :)
ADDENDUM: For some reason, it won't work in a Synagogue?
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.
The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!" said the redneck.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"
The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.
"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.
"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.
"No," his friend replied.
"You're queer, ain't ya?"
- Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?
- Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here
- Principal: I've called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn't use so often. One is "great" and the other is "lousy."
- Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?
What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
→ A senior high school math problem.
A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.
"And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"
- Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
- Any five year old should be able to solve this one.
- No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!
