Police Jokes — most viewed jokes

A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make out Mountain" to try to catch some couples in the act.

When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a couple sat, and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl next to him was knitting.

He tapped on the window and said he was with the police department then asked how old he was and the guy said, "I'm 22 sir." "Well how old is she?" the officer then asked.

Looking at his watch the guy replied, "She'll be 18 in about 6 minutes."

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.

The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk.

"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it."

"So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk.

"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"

Catching Criminals by Hans Upp

- Policeman: How can you drive so recklessly?

- Driver: I have to, this is a getaway car.

- Policeman: I suppose you're going to tell me you weren't speeding.

- Motorist: I was speeding all right, but I was testing you to see if you were paying attention.

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.

A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.

"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."

"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.

A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, "What do you think you're doing?"

After a moment the man replied, ... "Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium."

- Policeman: Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

- Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

- Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have this accident?

- Motorist: Well, the sign just there says, 'Stop? Look? Listen'. And while I was doing that the train hit me.

What do you call a snake that informs the police?
→ A grass snake!