Medicine — most viewed jokes

- Did you take the patient's temperature?

- No. Is it missing?

An old man of 87 went to the hospital to get a radical new surgical procedure done where they stretch the skin and pull all the wrinkles up onto the top of the scalp making you appear years younger.

On his way out of the hospital, he met an old friend who didn't recognize him at first. "Rob, is that really you?" said the friend. "You look years younger. I didn't know you had a dimple in your chin."

"It's not a dimple, it's my belly button" said the old man and his friend laughed.

"If you think that's funny, take a look at what I'm wearing for a tie!"

What do you call a depressed dentist?
→ A little down in the mouth.

A Soviet emigre woman comes to a gynecologist and complains: "Doctor, when I wasn't married, I had six abortions, and now I got married and can't get pregnant."

"Well" said the doctor, "It's possible you don't breed in captivity!"

- Patient: Do you extract teeth painlessly?

- Dentist: Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my wrist

"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist. "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again?"

Where does the dentist get his gas?
→ At the filling station

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!"

What do you call a geriatric gynecologist?
→ A spreader of old wives' tales!

A funny story I know comes from someone's father-in-law who is a pharmacist. One of his customers complained that the capsules she'd been given weren't working. "Oh," he said, "You've been taking them the wrong way. You have to take them so that the green half goes in first." He said that she stopped by a week later to let him know that her medication was now working fine!