Medicine — most viewed jokes

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?
→ Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE?
→ One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.

Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said, "You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

"So, how did you break YOUR leg??"

This guy goes to the doctor for a vasectomy. Unlike the usual patients, he shows up in a limo, and he's sitting in the doctor's office in a rented tuxedo with black tie.

The doctor says, "I've done a lot of these, but I've never seen a limo and tuxedo before. What's the story?"

To which the fellow responds, "If I'm gonna BE im-potent, I'm gonna LOOK im-potent!"

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
→ She gave herself a tonsilectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift!

Things Not To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound

1. Thirsty?
2. Where did the extra set of arms come from?
3. Why does it look so much like a lizard?
4. So, what are the characteristics of hermaphroditism?
5. Could we do that again? The nurse had me distracted.

How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
→ She sneezes.

- My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?

- A shoebox?

The crofter's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a lusty baby boy was brought into the world.

"Och!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern by... I think there's yet another wee bairn to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

"Na, dinna be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The crofter scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Well, now, mon. Do ye suppose the light's attracting them?"

Good News To All Smokers

The International Tabacco Syndicate, on its Golden Anniversary, wishes to invite Smokers of all ages to join in its biggest Anniversary Sweepstakes Draw, where every smoker is a sure winner! All smokers have the chance of winning the following major prizes.

Grand Prizes: A Brand New Cancer, Bronchial Infection, Goiter, Sinusitis, Migraine, Cerebral Tumor, Paralysis, Hypertension, and Asthma
Second Prizes: Special Hepatitis, Meningitis, Bronchitis
Third Prizes: Colored TB, Emphysema, Arteriosclerosis, Gingivitis, Rheumatism, Heart Disease, and Lung Cancer.

You can also have a chance to win consolation prizes such as: Tartar Deposits, Bad Breath, Stained Teeth, Appetite Loss, and Swelled Gums.

Join now!!! Remember that the more sticks you puff, the more chances of easy winning. Fabulous prizes await you!!! You can also be a lucky winner! Please claim your prizes at the nearest funeral parlor.

This promo is a limited offer... See your X-Ray result for more details!!!