Medicine — most viewed jokes

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet. The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?" "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?" "What? And work in the dark!?!"

My Years in a Lunatic Asylum by I. M. Nutty

Three doctors arrived in heaven. St. Peter asked the first one why he should be let into heaven.

The doctor said:

- Because I won the Nobel Peace Prize for my work.

The second doctor was a little worried when his turn came. He said:

- I haven't won any prizes, but I've started free clinics and helped those in need for free.

St. Peter let him in.

The third doctor said:

- I'm responsible for all the HMO's across the United States.

St. Peter thought about it for a minute and said:

- OK... I'll let you in, but only for three days!

What's the best thing to put into a pizza?
→ Your teeth.

- Lady (standing in the middle of a busy street): Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospital?

- Officer: Just stand where you are!!!

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

- Ladies, exercise is good for you, - announced the teacher.

- Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!

The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

- Yes? - asked the instructor.

- Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
→ Her IQ goes up!

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
→ The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.

- Since we installed our new satellite navigation system - bragged one - we've cut our emergency response time by ten percent.

- Not bad - the second paramedic commented - But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we cut our average time by 20 percent.

- That's nothing - said the third paramedic - Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man:

- Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.

- But doc, if I do that, I'll get pneumonia - protested the patient.

- I know, I can cure pneumonia - said the doctor.