Medicine — most viewed jokes

What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
→ She peed on her corn flakes.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
→ A mental hospital.

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.

- How are you grandpa? - he asks.

- Feeling fine - says the old man.

- What's the food like?

- Terrific, wonderful menus.

- And the nursing?

- Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you.

- What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?

- No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they ring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light.

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge.

- What are you people doing - he says - I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?

- Oh, yes - replies the Sister.

- Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed!

What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by swallowing 100 pain killers?
→ After two he began to feel better.

A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head.

- Hmmm - said the doctor. I've no idea what it is.

The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom.

- I'm stumped - said the doctor, but you can try taking these pills.

When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head.

- Ah! - said the doctor, I know what it is. You've got a beauty spot.

What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
→ Saturday Night Fever.

An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked:

- Where are you going?

He replied:

- To the kitchen.

She asked:

- Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?

- Sure.

Then his wife asked him:

- Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?

- No, I can remember that.

- Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that - his wife said.

- I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.

She replied:

- Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down.

With irritation in his voice, he said:

- I don't need to write that down, I can remember that.

He went into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said:

- You forgot my toast.

- Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.

- I'll deal with you later.

Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
→ She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

This couple just got married and was spending their honeymoon at a secluded campgrounds next to a small lake. Every day the new bridegroom was seen in a boat on the lake fishing.

Two old timers who was always setting on the dock thought it kinda funny that the groom was spending all his time on the lake. Well, their curiosity got the best of them and they confronted him when he came in for lunch. The first old man said:

- Son when I first got married me and my wife spent every day of our honeymoon in bed... well you know!

The new groom said, "well, normally that's what I would do, But she...well, she's got gonorrhea." The second old man said, "well son haven't you ever heard about oral sex? everybody's doing it these days." The groom says, "yes I have heard about that, but she also has pyorrhea."

The first old man looks at the second old man, and they both nod to each other and offered this advice. "Sonny, in times like this you just might want to roll her over."

The groom says, "I know all about that too, but she's got diarrhea." The two old men look at each other and at the same time they say, "Daggone Sonny...gonorrhea, pyorrhea, diarrhea, what the hell did ya marry her for?!"

He said, "Well she's also got worms,... And I dooo looove to Fish!!"