Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bumbry

- Bumbry who?

- Bumbry tuna!

- Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll?

- Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!

The little rascals were in class and the teacher was giving them a vocabulary lesson. The teacher said:

- Alfalfa, use the word love in a sentence.

Alfalfa replies:

- I love Darla.

The teacher said:

- Good...now Spanky your word is respect.

Spanky replies:

- I respect the way Alfalfa loves Darla.

The teacher said:

- Very good! Now Buckweat its your turn, your word is Dictate.

Buckweat replies:

- Hey Darla...how did my dictate last night?.

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face.

I said:

- What's wrong honey?

Sad and broken up she looked at me and said:

- Mommy, where's my booger?

What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
→ Bee-hive yourself!

A little boy came running into the kitchen.

- Dad, dad - he said, there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face

- Tell him you've already got one - said his father!

A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. Little Johnny handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course as long as there's no homework."

A student had spent all his money, so he called his mother from college and asked if she could send him some.

Mom said:

- Of course, I'll send you some money, dear.

- By the way, you left your calculus book here when you visited last month. Would you like me to send that to you too?

Ummmmm, oh yeah, OK Mom - the boy replied.

So, Mom wrapped the book, together with the checks, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the parcel. When she returned, Dad asked:

- So, how much did you send him this time?

- I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000 - Mom replied.

- Have you lost your mind? - Dad exclaimed.

- That's $1020!

- Not to worry - Mom said calmly, as she kissed the top of Dad's head.

- I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 check somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19!

One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."

A monster walked into the council rent office with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in the other.

You see, he was $15 in arrears.