Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand?
→ On their warts.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bed!

- Bed who?

- Bed you can't guess who I am!

Why do you go to bed?
→ Because the bed will not come to you.

- Adam: How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath?

- Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel, wet the soap and flood the bathroom.

- Do you like your new baby sister?

- She's all right.

- Do you play with her?

- No, and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days.

5-year-old Nicholas was sitting on a department store Santa's lap and told him:

- My name's the same as yours.

Santa's helper blows his cover when he says:

- Well, hello, Harold!

Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately, it was born without arms or legs -- without even a torso. It was just a head. Still, the Coopers loved and cared for their child, spoiling and indulging it.

Finally after twenty years, they took a much-needed vacation and whom should they meet on the cruise ship but a European doctor who had recently achieved a medical breakthrough.

- I know - he said, how to attach arms and legs to your child, how to make him whole.

The Coopers cut their trip short, rushed home and into the room where the head lay in its crib, and said:

- Honey... Mom and Dad have the most wonderful surprise for you!

- Noooooo! - shrieked the head, Not another hat!

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang?
→ A smell that keeps coming back!

Why do vampires hate arguments?
→ Because they make themselves cross.

Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot?
→ He was a bite of the Round Table!