Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

- SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three candles for your party?

- PIGLET: I'd rather have three cakes and one candle.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Celery

- Celery who?

- Celery me you lunch will you, I'm hungry!

A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response:

- Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins.

There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church.

The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said:

- ... But they'll steal my bike.

The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside.

The priest showed the boy how to make the sign of the cross and told the boy to repeat it...

- In the name of the Father, The Son... Amen

The priest said:

- What about the Holy Spirit?

The boy replied:

- Its outside taking care of my bike!

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

- What's wrong dearest?? - asked the confused husband.

- Oh darling, - sobbed the wife, I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???

- Well, - replied the man...

"I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother:

- Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up.

- That's okay with us - the mother said.

- But what made you decide to be a minister?

- Well - the boy replied.

- I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

- Teddy, - he called:

- how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

- That's better, - said his father.

- Now will you always come down stairs like that?

- Suits me, - said Teddy.

- I slid down the bannister.

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?"

"About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly.

"NO!" exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?"

"Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!"

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Canoe

- Canoe who?

- Canoe come out and play with me?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bumbry

- Bumbry who?

- Bumbry tuna!