Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly?
→ Just a phew!

Why did Dracula miss lunch?
→ Because he didn't fancy the stake.

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?
→ Coffin medicine.

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet?
→ Egyptian dummies.

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.

As she ran she kept praying:

- Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.

- Please don't let me be late to church....

As she was running she tripped and fell.

When she got back up she began praying again...

- Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!

One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.

The boy asked hid Dad:

- What are these Pop?

- They're smart pills son - said his father.

- Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said:

- Yuck...these taste like poop!

- See - said his father.

- you're already getting smarter!

The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for "Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something.

The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?

- I brought a Walkman.

- And what is it for?

- You can listen to music with it!

- That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?

- I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!

- Well done, Kenny.

- Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!

- Yes, I did. It's in the hall.

So the entire class goes into the hallway.

- Umm, Johnny, what is that?

- It's a heart/lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going.

- Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?

- He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone?
→ A fangster.

- What's wrong, sonny? - asked the old timer sympathetically, coming over to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out.

- I'm crying 'cause I can't do what the big boys do!

So the old man sat down and wept too.

A couple of biologists had twins.
One they called John and the other control.