Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed?
→ Because he sleeps on a waterbed!

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.

- Johnny, how many times have I told you - said his mother, it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.

- OK - said Johnny, why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch?

Who is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Mrs Bigger's baby?
→ Mrs Bigger's baby, because he's a little Bigger.

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man:

- Aren't they cute, what are their names?

The man giving the lady an angry look replied:

- I don't know.

The lady asked again:

- Which is a boy and which is a girl?.

The man looking angrier than before replied:

- I don't know.

The woman then started to scold the man:

- What kind of a father are you?.

The man replied:

- I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company.

What is a baby bee?
→ A little humbug.

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively ask the lady:

- why is your stomach so big?

She replied:

- Im having a baby.

With big eyes, he asked:

- Is the baby in your stomach?

She said:

- He sure is.

Then the little boy with a puzzled look asked:

- Is it a good baby?

She said:

- oh yes, its a real good baby.

With even a more surprised and shocked look he said:

- Then why in the world did you eat him?

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks:

- What's are these, Dad?

To which the man matter-of-factly replies:

- Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.

- Oh I see - replied the boys pensively.

- Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks:

- Why are there 3 in this package?

The dad replies:

- Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.

- Cool! - says the boy.

He notices a 6-pack and asks:

- Then who are these for?

- Those are for college men - The dad answers.

- TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.

- WOW! - exclaimed the boy.

- Then who uses THESE? - he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied:

- Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March...

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- A Fred!

- A Fred who?

- Who's a Fred of the Big Bad Wolf?

- Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

- Boy: Because he read the label, and it said 'shake well before using.'

- Help me, doctor! Little Tommy's swallowed the can-opener!

- Don't panic. He'll be alright.

- But how do I open the friggin beans, the toast's getting cold!