Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

One day Ms. Nelson, a kindergarden teacher, was giving a lesson on imagination. What she would do was hold an item behind her back, give a few descriptions of the item, and ask the kids to guess what it was. First she said to the children:

- I have something long and yellow behind my back.

The kids suggested a pencil. Ms. Nelson said:

- no, i'm holding a bannana, but I like you all's imagination.

Next she said:

- I have something round and red.

Little Johnny stood up and guessed it was a ball. Ms. Nelson told Johnny it was an apple but she liked Johnny's imagination. Johnny had an idea. He told his teacher:

- I have something in my pocket that's warm and it has a head on it.

Well Ms. Nelson got really upset and told Johnny he was to go to the principal's office for being soo dirty minded.

Little Johnny then said:

- No, Ms. Nelson, it's a quarter, but I LIKE YOU'RE IMAGINATION!!!

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.

They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter:

- Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded:

- Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.

The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter:

- Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced:

- Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
→ It lives on ice!

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.

His father was really proud of him. So his father asks:

- What part did you get?

He replies:

- I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.

His father congradulated him. And then he said:

- Thats good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
→ A bite in shining armor.

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
→ You rock-et.

Why did you drop the baby?
→ Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.

Why was Tigger lickin' the toilet?
→ Cause he was lookin' for Pooh!

Why do polo bears like bald men?
→ Because they have a great, white, bear place!

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

- I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive - says the beaming boy to his father.

- Nope - comes dad's reply.

- I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years.