Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Asa

- Asa who?

- Asa-int amongst men!

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough, all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied:

- I've been working with a crew building a house all week.

- My goodness gracious - said the teller - and will you be working on the house again this week too?

- I will if those useless morons at the lumber yard ever bring us the f****** bricks - replied the little girl.

How do you get down from an elephant?
→ You don't. You get down from a duck.

Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors?
→ So he could hide in the crayon box.

Why do elephants have wrinkles?
→ Because they are so hard to iron.

Why did the elephant put skates on before he went to bed?
→ Because he wanted to get rolling in the morning.

Why can't an elephant ride a tricycle?
→ Because it doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.

Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
→ So no one will recognize them.

Why are elephants such poor dancers?
→ Because they have two left feet.

What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
→ Time to get a new fence.

Why can't elephants go swimming at the beach?
→ Because they can't keep their trunks up.

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon?
→ A creature that stinks to high heaven!

What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail?
→ The world's slowest vampire.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Teenage Pregnancy Barbie ...complete with dropout forms. Angry parents and deadbeat boyfriend sold separately

Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller.

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
→ 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

How does Dracula keep fit?
→ He plays batminton.

A policeman stops a car and suggests an apparently drunken fellow to take a breath test. He blows, the thing shows: positive. He protests, cries he is a teetotaler and that the instrument isn't working properly. He says his wife is also a teetotaler. She blows- again positive. Then he gives it to their little kid on the backseat- also positive! The ashamed policeman lets them go.

They take off and the man says to his wife:

- And you kept telling me: don't give the kid any alcohol, don't give the kid any alcohol!!