Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"

A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself off, then turned to the little boy and said:

- Don't you know how to ride a bike?

- Yes - he answered - but I don't know how to ring the bell yet

How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None, They don't make Pampers small enough.

After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief.

- Ma'am, do all these children and this luggage belong to you? - he said.

- Yes, sir, they're all mine. - my mother said with a sigh.

The customs agent began his interrogation:

- Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?

- Sir, if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now. - she calmly answered.

Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day was a very special one. If he prayed extra hard, he'd be able to see when he woke up in the morning.

The next morning she came into Herbie's room to make sure he'd prayed hard the night before.

- Well then, open your eyes and you'll know that your prayers have been answered.

Little Herbie opened his eyes, only to cry out:

- Mother! Mother! I still can't see!

- I know, dear - said his mother.

- April Fool!

There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.

The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no! he beats me!". The judge says, "you want to live with your mom?" "no! she beats me too!".

So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?"

The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"

How are daughter's boyfriends like cockroaches?
→ They hang around the kitchen and it's hard to get rid of them!

- I don't think my Mom knows much about children.

- Why do you say that?

- Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked:

- Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?

- Of course not, dear - replied the mother.

- Why would you think that?

- The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'

What did one skunk say to another?
→ And so do you!