Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
→ A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!

- Mummy Monster: What are you doing with that saw and where's your little brother?

- Young Monster: Hee, hee! He's my half-brother now!

A young couple had identical twin sons and nearly everyone had a heck of a time telling them apart. An aunt asked the mom if she had any problems distinguishing the two lads, and the mother replied, "No, I can tell them apart by their balls. One bawls all night, the other bawls all day!"

Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
→ Because he ate too many crabs!

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
→ A bear faced lyre!

- Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.

- Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.

BANNED CHILDREN'S BOOKS

• Dad's New Wife Timothy
• Pop! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave Games
• How to Become the Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
• Safe Sex and the Zip-Lock Bag
• Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets
• Egghead - and Other Things Mrs. Dumpty Gave Humpty
• The Complete Set Of "Mother Got Goosed" Nursery Rhymes
• Peter Rabbit's Frisky Adventures
• The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad
• The Tickling Babysitter
• Babar Meets the Taxidermist
• Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
• Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
• The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
• Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Mom's Purse
• The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
• Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
• Let's Draw Betty and Veronica Without Their Clothes On
• The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead
• How to Insert Sharp Objects into Your Ear
• When is Later?
• The Beanie Babies and the Putrid Odor
• Why Mommy and Daddy Are Bouncing on the Bed
• Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Get Kinky
• Rin Tin Tin Guards the Herd of Sheep
• How Far is Not Far?
• Three Men in a Tub - The Untold Story
• The Boy Who Cried "Fire!"
• Things Rat Poison Looks Like
• Why Uncle Bud Falls Down
• Two Fingers in the Dike
• Back To School! A Munitions Primer
• Jack and Jill and Ted and Alice
• Things That Are Really Sharp
• How Dopey Got His Name
• Spinach or Steroids - A Guide to Scholarships

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.

The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!"

Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"

What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?
→ Reptiles!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
→ A stripey sweater!