Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Little Johnny has to stay at Grandma's for the weekend. Being an old school gal, bathing Little Johnny with her, Grandma sees no harm. So, there they are in the shower and Johnny points to Grandma's crotch and says, "Grandma, what's that?!?"

Grandma, somewhat shocked, quickly replies, "That's my beaver, Johnny."

"Oh, okay." And this answer seems to appease Johnny's curiousity.

Well, Johnny returns home, and one morning, Mom is running late for work. She decides that to save time, she'd bathe Johnny with her. Off to the shower, and once again, Johnny sees something not so familiar to him. "Mom, what's that?" asks Johnny pointing to Mom's nether regions.

Taken back, Mom says, "Johnny, that's my beaver."

Johnny replies, "I thought so. I think Grandma's is dead. Its tongue is hanging out and its all gray and wrinkled!"

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
→ No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
→ Still no eye deer.

- Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please?

- But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight!

- Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire.

NOTE: This joke may be offensive to some. STOP HERE if you are offended by religious jokes.

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out - "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells - 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!?'!"

What has handles and flies?
→ A witch in a garbage can.

What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
→ A witch in soggy trainers.

There was this 8 year old kid who lived with his 82 year old grandma. He had been living with her for some time, and he thought, that with all the work she does, he could at least make her a cup of coffee in the morning. So he woke up early one day, and made a cup of coffee and brought it to his grandma. She took one drink of it and died instantly.

He called 911, and the paramedics rushed over there. While examining the grandma, one of the paramedics pulls out a little plastic green soldier from her throat. After the paramedic learns that the kid made her coffee and put that soldier in there, of course, the first question is "why".

The kid answered, "Grandma always said, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'!"

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abe

- Abe who?

- Abe C D E F G H...!

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands. The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full. "Here's the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!"

The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!"