Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abbey

- Abbey who?

- Abbey stung me on the nose!

What is Black and White, and Red all over?
→ A Skunk with a diaper rash.

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.
"What's wrong?" asked his mother.
"Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed.
"In a way they do," said his mother.
"And when they die so they turn back to dust?"
"Yes, they do."
The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going."

I like to hang out around the playground, just watching the kids running and screaming. They don't know I'm just using blanks.

One night when a boy prayed to god, the boy asked god: How Long is 1 million years to you?

God replies 1 second.

The Boy asked God: How much is 1 million dollars to you?

God replies 1 penny.

Then the boy asked god if he could have a penny.

God replies...sure, "gimme 1 second".

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Yes it is." the man replies.

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

"No thanks." the man replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball" the little extortionist continues.

"Okay. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars." the little boy replies.

"Twenty-five dollars!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again, when she hears a car in the driveway and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

"Yes it is." replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"Okay. How much this time!" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.

"Fifty dollars." the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them" replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars." the little boy says.

"Seventy-five dollars! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness." the father explains, as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

The priest says...

"Don't you start that crap in here now!"

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet?
→ Because it wasn't raining.

A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride's side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said, "I was being the ring bear."

A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad...

"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you rec'un so?"

"Why that's because your from Kentucky son." The dad responses.

The next day the kid gets home from school...

"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you rec'un so?"

"That's because you're from Kentucky son." The dad tells him again.

The next day the kid busts through the door...

"Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?"

The dad looks at him and says, "No that's because you're 22."