Random joke from this category
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks:
- Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?
The father replies without hesitating:
- Oh, about ten percent.
- Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther?
- Boy #2: That's nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling...coming closer...closer...
- Boy #1: Gosh! What'd she do?
- Boy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten himself into quite a fix:
- See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found them stuck together.
- I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman - said the dentist calmly - and don't worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time.
Mr. Tuckerman whispered:
- Yes, but from an IUD?
A son comes to his dad and says:
- Dad, i gotta tell you something
- Ok, Quick and clear!
- 100 bucks
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"
Should I have a baby after 35?
→ No, 35 children is enough.
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat.
- What animal is this? - she asked.
- A cat! - said Eddie.
- Good job! Now, what is this animal?
- A dog! - said Eddie.
- Good! Now what animal is this? - she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said:
- It's what your mom calls your dad.
- A horny bastard - called out Eddie.
A kid at a sleep-away camp wrote home, "Please send me some food. All they serve here are meals."
To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.
- I won't do it any more, Mom - says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man.
- If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?
- You'll be fatter than that - says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl:
- Excuse me, but do you know me? And the little girl says:
- No, but I know what you've been doing...
With a puzzled look on his face an Indian boy asked, "Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived," she explained. The Mother Indian paused for a moment then asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"
