Random joke from this category
Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. "Mommy," she said, "I'd like you to answer one question." "Very good," replied her mother, "I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees." "It's not that," said the girl. "I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how to make lasagna."
Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. He comes running up to his mom and says:
- Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!
The mom says:
- the bigger they are, the dumber they are.
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says:
- Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!
Mom says:
- the bigger they are, the dumber they are.
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says:
- Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!
Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers.
The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack.
- Nah - says Johnny - what else do you have?
- Well - the chemist replies - the only other kind that I have are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know what these will do to a woman?
Little Johnny says:
- No... but they'll make a goat jump about two feet off of the ground!
There was this guy & he had just bought a brand new Farrari F-50 and he was taking it for a cruise. He was stopped at a red light and this little boy on a mopehead stopped next to him and was at awe over the car. He asked the guy if he could ake a quick look inside and he agreed. Just as he was getting out of the car the boy asked the man how fast his car could go and he said. "oh, around 175-200. Want to see?" Of couse the boy nodded and waited for the light to turn green. The man took off at a very high rate of speed. As he was traveling down the road he saw a little light catching up with him and then flew right past him. 'no! it couldnt be the boy on the mopehead could it?' he asked to himself. Then the light came flying back and went way behind him. The guy then ralized that it indeed WAS the boy on the mopehead. Then the light started to catch up with him again. He slowed down a bit to catch up with the boy to find out exactly how he got the little bike to go that fast and in a stunned voice the boy looked at the man and siad.. "Would you mind taking my suspenders off your rear view mirror?"
A teacher said to her little student Suzy:
- Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry.
Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply:
- Let's see. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!!!
"Why do you look so glum today?", the teacher asked young Johnny. "I didn't have no breakfast," Johnny mumbled. "You poor dear," said the teacher. "Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?" "In bed with my mom. That's why I didn't have no breakfast."
Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "The stork brought you to us." "Oh," said Little Johnny. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?" "Well, darling, the stork brought them too," said the mother. The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, "This report is impossible to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day.
- Well - said the Scout.
- Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it.
One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk.
He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him:
- Young man, you're much too young to smoke!
The kid looks up at the Pope and says:
- Fuck you!
The Pope is completely taken aback.
- What? - he says.
- You say that to me, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the head of the Roman Catholic Church? I am the spiritual leader for millions of people, young man, the representative of God, and you dare to say that to me? No, no, no, kid, fuck YOU!
Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old:
- Okay, you say 'ass' and I'll say 'hell'.
All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast.
- Aw, hell - says the eight-year-old, gimme some Cheerios.
His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother:
- What'll you have?
- I dunno - quavers the six-year-old, but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios.
