Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

- Be still, my heart - thought my friend.

- My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!

Then the child spoke to the instrument:

- Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?

A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.

- I always knew God would take care of us - said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.

- I like to hear you say that - beamed the mother.

- Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us.

- Oh, I wasn't talking about THAT God - the five year old interrupted.

- I was talking about the COAST God.

George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked:

- Can Albert come out to play?

- No - said the mother.

- It's too cold.

- Well, then - said George.

- Can his football come out to play?

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."

Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.

Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick.
Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.

- I can't find it - he admitted.

The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher:

- I can't find it.

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

The teacher asks Tommy:

- Well, did you find it?

Tommy is quick with his reply:

- Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards.

A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a terrific storm started with thunder, lightning and torrential rain.

- You can't go home in this - said one of his friends, you'd better stay the night.

- That's very kind of you - said the boy.

- I'll just run home and get my pyjamas.

Why did the nutty kid throw a glass of water out of the window?
→ He wanted to see a waterfall.

- I told you not eat cake before supper.

- But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.

"What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?" asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out, "Happy!"

A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating a bag of chocolates. An old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won't live very long; indignantly the kid says:

- Oh yeah, my grandfather lived to be 104 years old.

The old man replies:

- I'm sure he did, kid, but it wasn't from eating all that chocolate.

- Oh no sir - says the kid.

- it was by minding his own business!