Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why was the mother flea feeling down in the dumps?
→ Because she thought her children were all going to the dogs.

A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.

"I always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.

"I like to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about THAT God," the five year old interrupted. "I was talking about the COAST God."

Why did the nutty kid throw a glass of water out of the window?
→ He wanted to see a waterfall.

George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, 'Can Albert come out to play?'

'No,' said the mother, 'it's too cold.'

'Well, then,' said George, 'can his football come out to play?'

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke to the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

- I told you not eat cake before supper.

- But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.

Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake?
→ 'Quick,' said one, 'run! Before they say we did it!'

"What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?" asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out, "Happy!"

Mary arrived home from school covered in spots. 'Whatever's the matter?' asked her mother.
'I don't know,' replied Mary, 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'