Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks,

"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,

leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
→ Forty feet of track - all straight!

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, 'Well, you know the Pacific Ocean? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.'

Bill wasn't impressed. 'Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea? My father's the one who killed it!'

Two boys camping out in a backyard wanted to know the time, so they began singing at the top of their voices.
Eventually one of the neighbours threw open his window and shouted down at them, "Hey, less noise! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning!"

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

The boy replies, "Now we run!"

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. 'What's wrong?' asked his mother.

"Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed.

'In a way they do,' said his mother.

"And when they die do they turn back to dust?"

'Yes, they do.'

The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going!"

A man out for a walk came across a little boy pulling his cat's tail.

'Hey you!' he shouted, 'don't pull the cat's tail!'

'I'm not pulling!' replied the little boy. 'I'm only holding on - the cat's pulling!'

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages.

"Mommy, look what I found," the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's clothes!!!!!"

The second grader was in bed with a cold and high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to know.
'One hundred and three,' said the doctor.
'What is the world record?'

John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video.

'Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that?' asked his father suspiciously.

'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the TV in for it.'