Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify. She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said:

- Who can tell me what this is?

A little girl raised her hand.

- Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?

- It's a cow, teacher.

- Very good, Janie - said the teacher. Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class.

Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.

- I'll give you a hint - said the teacher.

- What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?

Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said:

- ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It's a big horny bastard!

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?" The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!" "How can you tell?" asks girl baby. "Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See..... blue booties"

- Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?...

- Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it.

Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?
→ Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!

- Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper.

- Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Clay

- Clay who?

- Clay on, Sam!

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Alligator!

- Alligator who?

- Alligator for her birthday was a card!

How does a baby ghost cry?
→ "Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!"

Why does Dracula have no friends?
→ Because he's a pain in the neck.