Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen?
→ The Ink-credible Hulk.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cindy

- Cindy who?

- Cindy next one in please!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bosnia

- Bosnia who?

- Bosnia bell here earlier!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bettina

- Bettina who?

- Bettina minute you'll open this door!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Arson

- Arson who?

- Arson McCullers!

Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund?
→ He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

One day there was two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend:

- My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.

- My sister's a really bad driver.

- What makes you say that?

- Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she's run over.

These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included.

- My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

- Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

- Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

- Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

- Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

- John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

- Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

- Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

- Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

- Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

- Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

- Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

- I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

- Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

- Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

- My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

- Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

- Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

- Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says:

- My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.

The second boy says:

- That's nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.

The third boy says:

- I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!