Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why?

- Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

- Mommy, can we leave now?

- No.

- Well, I think I have to throw up!

- Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.

In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

- Did you throw up?

- Yes.

- Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?

- I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'.

- William: May I have some money for the man crying outside?

- Mum: What crying man?

- William: The one that's crying: Ice cream! Ice Cream!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Billy Bragg

- Billy Bragg who?

- Billy Braggs too much, tell him to stop it!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Apple

- Apple who?

- Apple the door myself!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Anka

- Anka who?

- Anka the ship!

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Alec!

- Alec who?

- Alec-tricity. Isn't that a shock!

- My brother's one of the biggest stickup men in town.

- Gosh is he really?

- Yes, he's a six-foot-six billposter.

My husband and I had just finished tucking our four young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Eric's room.

Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Eric's ear.

Eric was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully:

- Do it again, Dad!

- Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions, - said the father.

- I'd like to know what would have happened if I'd asked as many questions when I was a boy.

- Perhaps, - said the boy:

- you'd've been able to answer some of mine.