Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could.

- God - he prayed:

- I really want a car.

Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.

- God - he prayed again:

- I really NEED a car.

Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet.

- Okay, God - he said, getting down onto his knees again:

- if you ever want to see your mother again...

The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church.
After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church.

- Good morning, Jonathan - the preacher said as he reached out to shake Joanthan's hand.

As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand.

- What's this? - the preacher asked.

- Money, - said Jonathan with a big smile on his face - It's for you!

- I don't want to take your money, Jonathan - the preacher answered.

- I want you to have it - said Jonathan. After a short pause Jonathan continued:

- My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Chef

- Chef who?

- Chef Bridges!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Arbus

- Arbus who?

- Arbus leaves in 5 minutes?

Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "If I ever stop hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating her first."

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Brother!

- Brother who?

- Brother-ation, I've forgotten your name!

Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said:

- I took my girlfriend to see 'The bride of Dracula' last night.

- Oh yeah - said the other.

- what was she like?

- Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.

The other said:

- Yes, but what was 'The Bride of Dracula' like?

There were two teenagers and they just got thru playing basketball. So they went to the showerhouse.

They were in the showerhouse and the first teenager noticed a cork up the other teenagers butt. So when they got out of the showerhouse, the first teenager ask why he had a cork up his butt?

The other teenager said, "Well, I was at the beach and a fairy said she could grant me one wish", and in amazement I said - "No CRAP!"

One day a mother and father were having sex and their son walked in. The kid asked:

- What are you doing?

Well, you wanted a brother, so we're making you one.

The next day, the father walks outside and sees his son porking away on the family junker's tailpipe.

- Son...what the hell are you doing!!!

And the son replied:

- Mom said she wanted an new car, so I'm making her one!

Why did the vampire take up acting?
→ It was in his blood.