Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the Act.

Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims:

- Oh boy! Horsie ride! Daddy can I ride on your back?

Daddy was relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, he agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.

Johnny cries out:

- Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!

Why was the young vampire a failure?
→ Because he fainted at the sight of blood.

How did the world's tallest monster become short overnight?
→ Someone stole all his money.

- FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night.

- BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Amaso!

- Amaso who?

- Amaso sorry you don't remember me!

Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers?
→ They have short tales!

- My brother's just opened a shop.

- Really? How's he doing?

- Six months. He opened it with a crowbar.

When a dirty kid has finished taking a bath, what is still dirty?
→ The bathtub.

One day a mother and father were having sex and their son walked in. The kid asked:

- What are you doing?

Well, you wanted a brother, so we're making you one.

The next day, the father walks outside and sees his son porking away on the family junker's tailpipe.

- Son...what the hell are you doing!!!

And the son replied:

- Mom said she wanted an new car, so I'm making her one!

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The father's plan was:

- If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard.

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left.

Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ...then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said:

- Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined..

- Our son is going to be a politician!