Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

How does a skeleton call her friends?
→ On a telebone.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Beirut

- Beirut who?

- Beirut force!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Barbie

- Barbie who?

- Barbie Q!

How many circus performers does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!
→ Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!

One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday the teacher asks:

- How many grains of sand are on the beach? needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class:

- How many stars are in the sky? and again no one could answer.

Frustrated little Johnny decides that the next Friday he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night Johnny takes 2 ping pong balls and paints them black. The next day he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day just when the teacher says:

- here's this week's question - Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says:

- ok, who's the comedian with the black balls?

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says:

- Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!

A four year old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail."

A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He looks at his mom and says:

- Mom, look, I'm a white boy!

His mom slaps him in the kisser and says:

- Go show your father!

He goes to his dad in the living room and says:

- Look dad, I'm a white boy!

His dad slaps him hard in the face and says:

- Go show your Grandmother!

The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says:

- Look granny, I'm a white boy!

His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.

His mother says:

- See. Did you learn anything from that?!

To which the boy replies:

- Sure enough did. I've only been white for 5 minutes and I already hate you black people!

One night a lady pregnant with triplets was walking by and a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her in the stomach three times. Her docter told her that he couldn't perform surgery because it would be too risky. All was well for 16 years when one of the girls came running into the room crying.

- Whats wrong? - asked the mother.

"I was taking a pee and a bullet came out". "It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the other girl came running into the room crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?"

"Yes" replied the girl. "It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy came running in crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out. - No - replied the boy - I was playing with myself and shot the dog!!!!!!!!

- What are you reading? - demanded the father of his seven-year-old.

- A story about a cow jumping over the moon - was the reply.

- Throw that book away at once - he commanded.

- How many times have I told you you're too young to read science fiction?

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.

Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says:

- Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!