Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why did the alien phone home on his mobile?
→ Because it was so ET!

Why did the nutty kid throw butter out of the window?
→ He wanted to see a butterfly.

- Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?

- No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face.

The teacher put two baskets of treats on her desk, a basket of apples and a basket of cookies.

She told the students to each take only one treat.

Next to the basket of apples was a sign: Take only one, God is watching.

As one little boy reached over to take a cookie, the boy next to him said:

- Take all you want, God's watching the apples!

Why is a toothless dog like a tree?
→ It has more bark than bite.

Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo?
→ They make good paddles.

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?
→ 'I feel abominable.'

Henry's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was.

- Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away.

- Now come on, David - his mother said.

- a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off.

- But that's just what I did, mommy.

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play.

- What part? - the mother asked.

- I play a Jewish husband - the boy replied.

- Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.

- Sis - he said - I wish you'd sing Christmas carols.

- That's nice of you, Alfie - she replied.

- Why?

- Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!