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Johnny Wants a Bike

10 year old Johnny's mother, who was a hard working single mom, had been promising for some time now to buy poor Johnny a bike.

Johnny, who loved his Momma dearly, hadn't made a big deal about it for a long time, but suddenly decided NOW was the right time to ask. So he rushes downstairs to tell his Momma that he wanted his bike and he wanted it now.

He gets downstairs, looks around, doesn't see his mother, so he rushes back upstairs, opens the door to his mother's room and stops dead in his tracks, 'cause there was his Momma, laying stark naked on her bed, rubbing herself all over repeating:

- Oh, I need a man, Ohhh I need a man.

Johnny, who was naturally a little stunned by the sight, backs quietly out the door and goes back to his room.

Well, a few days passes and Johnny works up the nerve to once again tell his Mother that he wants his bike and he wants it NOW. So he rushes downstairs, doesn't see his mother, he rushes upstairs, opens Momma's door and there once again was his Mother, laying stark naked on the bed, Rubbing herself all over and repeating:

- Oh, I need a man. Ohhh, I need a man.

Once again he backs out quietly.

Well, this time it took little Johnny a bit longer to muster up the nerve to demand his bike, but he finally does and rushes downstairs, No Momma, so he rushes upstairs, throws Momma's door open and there to his amazement was his Momma, lying stark naked on her bed, but this time she had a man on top of her.

Johnny backs out of the room, walks quietly down the hall to his room and sits on his bed. He thinks about what he has just witnessed for a while and then, just like a bolt of lightning had struck, Johnny jumps up and screams:

- I GOT IT !!!!!!

JOHNNY PEELS ALL OF HIS CLOTHES OFF, LIES STARK NAKED ON HIS BED AND STARTS TO RUB ALL OVER HIMSELF REPEATING:

- OH, I NEED A BIKE, OOOOHHHHHHHH I NEED A BIKE

Playing House

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house.

They both decided it was time to get married.

So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage.

- Where will you live? - asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute.

- Well - said Little Johnny:

- I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us.

- And how will you live?

- I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance.

That should be enough.

Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie's dad asked:

- And what if little ones come along?

- Well - said Little Johnny:

- we've been lucky so far!

Lawyers And Truth

A young boy asked his father:

- Dad, do lawyers ever tell the truth?

The father thought for a moment:

- Yes son, sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case!

Divorced Barbie

Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager:

- How much is that new Barbie in the window?

The Manager replied:

- Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00.

- Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!? - Ralph asked surprised.

The Manager replies:

- Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture.

The Boy Archer

A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.

- Who is this incredibly fine archer? - cried the duke.

- I must find him!

After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.

- You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you? - asked the duke worriedly.

- No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy.

- That is truly astonishing - said the duke.

- I hereby admit you into my service.

The boy thanked him profusely.

- But I must ask one favor in return - the duke continued.

- You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot.

- Well, - said the boy - first I fire the arrow at the tree......and then I paint the target around it.