Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Asia

- Asia who?

- Asia mum in?

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Barber!

- Barber who?

- Barberd wire!

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked:

- What flag is this?

A little girl called out:

- That's the flag of our country.

- Very good - the teacher said.

- And what is the name of our country?

- 'Tis of thee - the girl said confidently.

How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
→ Smack a monster.

Why does a mother carry her baby?
→ The baby can't carry the mother.

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said:

- I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God.

The teacher praises the little girl, as a little boy raised his hand.

The little boy says:

- I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love.

- Very good - said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. Oh no - she thought - I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?

Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says:

- Your feet.

The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied:

- Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'

A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing.

After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks:

- Can I have one of those cigarettes?

Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt "no" asks:

- Does your dick reach your ass?

The boy replies:

- No , it doesn't.

- Then - said grandpa - you aren't old enough to smoke.

Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig.

- Does your dick reach your ass? - asks the old man.

- No - replies the boy.

- Then you're not big enough to touch beer - comes the reply.

By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to eat it. Grandpa sees this and fancies a cookie himself, so he asks for one.

The boy turns the tables on his grandpa and asks:

- Does you dick reach your ass?

- It sure does - says the old man.

- Then go fuck yourself - These are all mine!

Where is the monster's temple?
→ On the side of his head.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Brian

- Brian who?

- Brian drain!

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Althea!

- Althea who?

- Althea in court!