Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why did your sister shoot the alarm clock?
→ Because she felt like killing time.

- First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out.

- Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cam

- Cam who?

- Camalot is where King Arthur lived!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Avery

- Avery who?

- Avery time I come to your house we go through this!

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So the stewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route.

At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked:

- What's your name?

- Patty - she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus.

On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him "Special Ross."

Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons.

Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty.

On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking...

- Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter's milk.

Little Johnny pipes up and says:

- I know teacher!

Number One: It's fresh.

Number Two: It's nutritious.

Number Three: I't served at just the right temperature.

And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.

As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says:

- If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip.

The old man snaps back:

- Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today!

What do you call children who are raised in those naughty houses of ill-repute?
→ Brothel Sprouts!

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

- My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf - says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!

Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again-this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

- My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf - says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!

About two miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

- My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf - taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams:

- Will you get lost? I'm trying to take a shit!