Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.

He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was.

She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.

His mother smiled and said:

- The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid.

The little boy opened the back door a little and said:

- Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom.

- Dad, why do you write so slow? - asked Dennis.

- I have to - replied his father.

- I'm a slow reader.

What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?
→ The bogeyman.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Crete

- Crete who?

- Crete to see you again!

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Alberta!

- Alberta who?

- Alberta'll be over in a minute!

- Counselor: Wash your face. I can see what you had for breakfast.

- Henry: If you're so smart, what did I have?

- Counselor: Eggs.

- Henry: Wrong. I had eggs yesterday!

- Fred! What did I say I'd do if I found you with your fingers in the butter again?

- That's funny, Mom. I can't remember either.

- Little Brother: I'm going to buy a sea horse.

- Big Brother: Why?

- Little Brother: Because I want to play water polo!

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked:

- Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?

- Yup, shore am!

- How much does he weigh now?

The proud father answered:

- Ten pounds.

The bartender said:

- Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds.

The proud Texas father said:

- Jest had him circumcised!

Children Books That Didn't Make It To The Press:

Children Books You Won't Eever See...

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mum Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell!
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukaemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster... And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mummy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry