Instrument Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?
→ He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one.

What is the definition of an optimist?
→ An accordion player with a pager.

How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
→ When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.

What is the missing link between the bass and the ape?
→ The baritone.

A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together.

"Help!" cried the cellist, "I can't swim!"

"Don't worry," said the violist, "just fake it."

There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this?
→ The frog's probably on its way to a gig.

What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
→ One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.

How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.

How does a baritone make phone calls?
→ Song distance!

What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra?
→ Tuskanini.