Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

Which burgers can tell your fortune?
→ Medium burgers!

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked, "Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again, "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?"

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy, "Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much."

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says: "HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

May I buy half a rabbit?
→ No, we don't split hares!

What can you make from baked beans and onions?
→ Tear gas.

What did the hamburgers say to the butcher who acted on a TV show?
→ Welcome back, Cutter!

This Zen Buddhist Monk walks up to a hotdog stand and says to the vender, "Give me one with everything".

So the vender makes him a hotdog with everything, hands it to the Buddhist Monk.

The Buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill, the vender takes it, puts it in his cash register and shuts the door.

The Buddhist says, "Wait, where's my change?"

The vender replies, "Change must come from within".

A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says, "Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too."

Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?"

Bernie says, "You're going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?" Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me..."

"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife...

"Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?"

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....'"

- Have you got any broken biscuits?

- Yes, I have.

- Well, you shouldn't be so clumsy!

The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food.

"Here," he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, "do you call that pig?"

"Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked sweetly.