Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away!

- Sorry, this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen.

- Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!

There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nursing for the aged would be appropriate.

Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to see how the old man's first day was going.

"How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see".
The Old man replied with a nod.

In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful.

As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, "My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too." "That's okay.", said the old man, "I feel so much better being able to talk to someone." Looking into the bowl the orderly said, "I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!"
The old man responded, "That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow."

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

What's a fresh vegetable?
→ One that insults a farmer.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Beef!

- Beef who?

- Beef fair now!

What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef?
→ A humburger.

- Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why?

- Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.

- Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread?

- No.

- Oh, crumbs.

Why did the grape cross the road?
→ To get away from the grapefruit.

Who is the hamburgers' favourite actress?
→ Candice Berger!