Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is the hamburgers' motto?
→ If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again!

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says:

- You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked 'em, I've roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've barbequed 'em, I've even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.

The second cannibal asks:

- What kind of missionary do you use?

The other replied:

- You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.

- Ah ha! - he replies.

- No wonder.. those are friars!

When can you count on a hamburger in an emergency?
→ When the chips are down!

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.

- Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir? - he says.

The man goes into the bar and the bartender says:

- What'll it be?

The man replies:

- Give me a Stoli with a twist.

The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says:

- Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . .

An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your son."

How do you know that a elephant's been in the fridge?
→ There are foot prints in the butter.

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."

Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
→ He was on a diet!

What happens when two burgers fall in love?
→ They live together in holy meatrimony!

How do you make a cheeseburger sad?
→ Make it with blue cheese!