Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why can any hamburger run the mile in under four minutes?
→ Because it's a FAST food!

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one's personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories -- the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9. Food that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10. Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
→ She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Young woman sat down in small restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order.
"I'll have a hamburger please."
"Burger!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added.
"Make that well done."
Waitres turned away again.
"Torture it!" she yelled.

What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon?
→ Sow-r dough bread.

- Boy: What's black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks?

- Mom: Eat the cookies and don't worry about what's in the tin.

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.

When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this pig?'

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of the fork are you referring to?'

How did a blind girl burn her fingers?
→ Reading the waffle iron

Why aren't burgers too good at basketball?
→ Too many turnovers!

What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
→ All you can eat, under a buck.