Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

- Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

- Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

- Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

- George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

- Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

- Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

- Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?
→ He charges you double.

- Well, what's your problem?

- I prefer brown shoes to black shoes.

- There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people prefer brown shoes to black shoes. I do myself.

- Really? How do your like yours - fried or boiled?

- Witch: Doctor, I can't help pulling ugly faces.

- Doctor: Well there's nothing terrible about that.

- Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don't like them being pulled.

- Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better today!

- Camper: It should, I practised all night!

- Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?

- Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?

- Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

- Doctor, Doctor, you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well.

- That's quite enough out of you!

An elderly man visits his doctor.

- Doctor, I would like you to examine me to see if I am sexually fit.

- Very well, let me see your sex organs, please.

The aged patient replied o.k. And stuck out his index finger and his tongue.

The doctor came out of the operating room to talk with the man's wife. "I don't like the looks of your husband," he said.

"Neither do I," said the wife, "but he's not home much, and he's great with the kids."

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."

Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers. . . they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end. . . "