Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?

- The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.

- And did he?

- Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.

- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a mosquito

- Go away, sucker!

A man went to his doctor and said, "I want to be castrated."

"What?" said the doctor, "surely you don't want that."

"Yes," said the man, "that's what I want; I insist."

So, the doctor told him to check into the hospital. When he did he was stripped, laid on a cart, wheeled into the operating room, anaesthetized, and CHWOP! off they came. The next day, he woke up in a double room and, wanting to be socialable, asked the man in the next bed what he was in for.

"Oh, I was circumsized," the man said.

"Son of a bitch! That's the word I was looking for!"

- Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?

- I never make rash promises!

A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says "Open wide."
"I can't" replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."

A psychiatrist, who was just starting out, advertised his clinic as follows: "Satisfaction guaranteed or your mania back!"

- Doctor: Have you ever had this before?

- Patient: Yes.

- Doctor: Well, you've got it again!

- Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a pen

- Well sit down and write your name!

- Doctor these pills you gave me for BO...

- What's wrong with them?

- They keep slipping out from under my arms!