Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why is Bill Clinton happy he named his dog "Buddy?"
→ Because it's a BAD TIME to be yelling "come Spot!" in the Whitehouse.

A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him:

- How the hell do the two of you have sex?

The big guy says:

- I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down.

His friend says:

- You know, that don't sound too bad.

The big guy says:

- Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got somebody to talk to.

A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex.

- Back ladies, back! - cried the leader.

- There's a very dangerous beast out there!

But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.

- Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!

- WOW! - exclaimed the oldest of the group.

- I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!

What would you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's ass?
→ A Mechanic.

Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park.

Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum. Suzie asked:

- You wanna play doctor?

Johnny replied:

- NO, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president.

Why does a dog lick his balls?
→ Because he can't make a fist.

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age.

She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an Australian computer programmer.

After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie.

When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of the room. Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband:

- I thought you had never been with a woman.

He replied:

- That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get!

What's the difference between mono and herpes?
→ You get mono from from snatching a kiss....

- Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.

- Well, you succeeded.

A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. - That's terrible!!! - said her husband - What would you like to do during your last hours? I'll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.

- Well - she said - First, I want to take a long romantic walk, then have a quiet dinner at my favorite restaurant and then go to bed with you and make passionate love all night long!

- Gee, Honey. - said her husband - I don't know about that 'all night long' stuff. After all, I'm gonna have to get up in the morning and you won't