Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why is the section of body between a womans breasts and her croutch called a waste??
→ You could fit another pair of breasts there

If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day, what do single guys have?
→ Palm Sunday.

What's green and smells like pig?
→ Kermit's fingers.

How do you make a gay baby cry?
→ Take the pacifier out of his ass.

A man goes into a doctor's office and says:

- Doctor! Doctor! I have five penises!

The doctor says:

- Good lord! How do your pants fit?

The man replies:

- Like a glove.

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.

- You know, - said the doctor - you really have to learn to trust me.

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.

The head headhunter says:

- If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back

So the hikers did that and came back.

The head head hunter said:

- Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass.

So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard. 1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screaming, so the headhunters chop off his head. The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy! 1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.

So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples asks the hiker who had the grapes:

- What happened... you had grapes, I mean you got killed c'mon what happened?

The guy who had grapes says:

- Well the other hiker........ he........ he......... he had watermellons!

I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.

How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex?
→ Mace...

A homosexual walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a large knob of salami.

- Would you like it sliced, sir? - the shopkeeper asked politely.

- What do you think I am? - replied the fag:

- ...a money box!