Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

A cowboy along with his horse and dog are captured late one afternoon by hostile Indians. This presents no problem for the horse as the Indians can always use another pony. The dog's fate is some what tenuous but it is certain that the cowboy will be burned at the stake the following sunrise. That evening the Indian chief tells the cowboy that he can have one last wish, within reason, before meeting his ultimate fate the following morning. The cowboy tells the chief that his last request is to see his faithful dog, Rex. When the dog is brought by the Indians the cowboy strokes and pets his companion and whispers something into his ear. At once the dog bounds and runs through the Indian village and over the hill. This does not particularly distress the Indians as they didn't really know what to do with the dog anyway.

At about 8 o'clock that evening the dog returns accompanied by some two dozen hookers from the closest town. Needless to say the braves were delighted at the prospect of an evening's entertainment.

As the orgy wore on through the night, the chief told the cowboy that his stake burning was being postponed as they were all too tired from partying.

The next day, the chief said to the cowboy:

- in gratitude for furnishing the ladies last night, I'm going to grant you another request before you are burned at the stake in the morning.

Again the cowboy requests to see his faithful dog. When the dog is brought forth the cowboy again strokes and pets his companion and whispers into his ear:

- this may be my last chance Rex, so please get it right this time --- go to town and get the posse!

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied:

- He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

What is red and has seven dents?
→ Snow White's cherry!

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

- I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms.

- Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said:

- But we don't know anything about each other.

He said:

- That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.

So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said:

- That was incredible!

He said:

- I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along.

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.

He said:

- That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?

- No - she said.

- I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
→ The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?

Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony?
→ The one who can carry 2 cups of coffee and nine doughnuts at the same time.

Who is the most popular woman in a nudist colony?
→ The one who can eat the last doughnut.

Little Johnny was in his math's class one day when the teachersingled him out.

- If I gave you $20 - the teacher began, and you gave $5 to Mary,$5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?

- An orgy - Johnny answered.

Santa comes once a year - but when he does he fills your stocking!