Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they made condoms.

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor.

- Young lady - said the doctor - you're pregnant.

- But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes.

- Well my dear - said the doctor - someone in that colony is cockeyed.

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
→ Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

- Miss Jones, we can't employ you as a model - the editor from the men's magazine explained.

- It's too obvious that your blonde hair isn't natural, since the hair between your legs is black.

The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor's fingers.

- What the hell did you do that for! - he exploded.

She smiled sweetly and said:

- Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And they've only been banged once.

What's the difference between a blonde and a shower?
→ The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.

You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant. Guess what? His penis rejected it!

- Darling, will you still make love like that to me after we're married? - she whispered after they had finished making love.

He considered this for a moment, and then replied:

- I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women.

25 Things a Wife would say in a "perfect world!"

1. I'll swallow it all... I love the taste!
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
5. That was a great fart! Do another one!
6. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too.
14. Honey, our new neighbors 16 year old daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again?
16. No, No, I'll take the car for an oil change.
17. Your mother is way better than mine.
18. Do me a favor...forget the stupid Valentines day thing and buy yourself some new clubs.
19. I understand fully...our anniversary comes every year for christ's sake, you go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Oh come on.. what do you say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints and have my friend Bridget over for a threesome!
21. Not the fucking mall again... come on let's go to the new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us--why don't you retire and get that nagging golf handicap down to a 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep...stop getting up for the baby's night feedings.
24. If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I am going to explode!!
25. I signed up for aerobics so that I can get my ankles behind my ears for you!!

What is the meaning of "sanctity"?
→ It's french, for a lady with five breasts.

What's the definition of bravery?
→ A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!