Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
→ An insurance company.

A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed.

They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure -- she was shaking and foaming at the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this was incredible -- best sex he'd ever had.

He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure. He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room.

A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied:

- I think her orgasm's stuck!

The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said:

- Just how much is that watch?

- It's $2000, ma'am.

- Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?

- Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind?

- I was thinking two times a week for the next two months.

Did you know there are serial number on condoms.........

No?.

I guess you didn't roll them down far enough.

- Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach.

- Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.

Patient sticks out his tongue...

What do you call two guys in a sleepping bag?
→ A gay time....

Did you hear what Monica Lewinskys' mother said when she brought home her dress?
→ What, doesn't the White House have any club soda?

How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?
→ If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at the same time and still know which one to spit out.

There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says:

- I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!

Betty says:

- Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you.

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock... 12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flies open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door:

- Are you okay, Gladys??

No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

- What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong? - asks Betty.

- Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!

A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke.

People are running frantically, trying to figure out what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.

Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two homosexuals return to their food.

One turns to the other and says:

- Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!