Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bites off my roosters feet, what do you have?
→ Two feet of my cock in your ass.

One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around. He says:

- Hey Paco, you shit your pants?

Paco says:

- No, Pablo, I did not shit my pants.

He believes him and they keep riding.

As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo stops his horse and turns around. He then says:

- Paco, Are you sure you did not shit your pants?

Paco says:

- Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my pants.

He says:

- Ok.

They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets of his horse. He then says:

- Paco, get of your horse. Paco, pull down your pants. Paco, I thought you said you did not shit your pants?

Paco replies:

- I thought you meant today!

The first engineer calls out to the other:

- Hey--Nice bike! Where did you get it?

- Well - replies the other.

- I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'you can have ANYTHING you want!'

- Good choice - says the first guy.

- her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway.

An American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, "These remind me of my husband's testicles." The American woman says, "That big?" The Iranian woman says, "No...that dirty."

It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.

- And just where have you been until this hour? - demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.

- Down at the office, - he replied, working like a dog.

What are the five reasons for not wanting to be an egg?

1. You only get laid once.
2. You only get eaten once.
3. It takes you seven min. to get hard in boiling water.
4. You have to come in a box with 11 other guys.
5. The only one that ever sits on your face is your mother.

The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called the electric company's complaint department to ask for help.

- The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much - said the nun.

- Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade - said the company spokeswoman.

Mother superior then observed:

- I think the term they actually use is 'fucking shovel!'

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
→ He breaks his nose.

How do you know when a blonde has been working on your computer?
→ There's white out on the screen and lipstick on the joystick!

What's sicker than sick?
→ Masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin....