Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary:

- Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions.

Mary gasped and said in a huff:

- Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going tohear of it when I get home!

She sat down, red-faced.

- Susan, can you tell me the answer? - asked Mr. Baldwin.

- The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions - said Susan.

- Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!

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Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
→ So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

How do faggots get a condom off?
→ They fart.

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What is the definition of ultimate rejection?
→ Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.

A woman feared that her husband was losing interest in her sexually. She went out and bought some very sexy lingerie, complete with crotchless panties. She posed herself in bed and awaited his arrival.

When he came into the bedroom, she threw the sheets back, spread her legs, and said:

- Welcome home honey. Do you want some of this?

With a horrified look on his face, the husband replied:

- Hell No! Look what it did to your underwear!

How are women like elevators?
→ Only about half go down.

Did you hear the one about the guy who had five penises?
→ He had a pair of underpants that fitted him like a glove.....

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards -- something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day -- "Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry."

The blonde replied:

- How cool! I'll take the whole box!