Random joke from this category
A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying:
- Don't unleash the beast in me.
The wife snickered and replied:
- Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse.
Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.
One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled:
- Who turned on the fucking lights!
- Oh, no sir - the nearest flight attendant replied.
- Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the 'fucking lights.'
There once was an old man from Trent,
Whose penis was crooked and bent,
And so to save trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!
How is a woman like an airplane?
→ Both have cockpits.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
→ Mace.
Why did god invent alcohol?
→ So fat women can get laid too.
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter:
- What is that you just served?
The waiter replied:
- Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!
The American, though momentarily daunted, said:
- What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!
The waiter replied:
- I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said:
- These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied:
- Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins.
How are a blonde's legs like cheese wiz?
→ They're both useless unless they're spread!
Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girls in the office had removed their clothes and were lying on the floor naked. She lost no time in taking off her dress and joining them, but as soon as she laid down the girl on her right hissed, "Turn over, Mary - this is a stock up, not an office party!"
Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today ??
→ We would get our paycheck everyday, and all women would bleed to death...
