Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry.

- The weddin's off - he shouted. - Everybody bugger off!

Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and approached him.

- What's the problem? - he asked.

- Someone stole a keg of beer, and some bastard fucked the bride! - exclaimed the father.

The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers.

A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled:

- All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!

As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked:

- What happened to make you change your mind?

Grinning sheepishly, he replied:

- Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg of beer.

Willy's rolling down the hall of a retirement home acting like he's driving a car, an orderly turns the corner and asks Willy what he's doing.

Willy replies:

- I'm going to Chicago for the weekend.

The orderly chuckles and enters Bob's room to check on him.

He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he is doing, Bob replies:

- I'm screwing Willy's old lady while he's away in Chicago.

There are four basic types of chain letters:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who as no arms, no legs, no parents, and no pecker. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Starving Legless Armless Parentless Peckerless Little Boys from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent. So go on, reach out.

Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly and a mad goat will rape your dead body. Thanks again!!

Why do men name their penis?
→ They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.

A girl goes to the doctor. She says:

- Doc, I'm freakin' out...

- I'm freakin' out...my pee's coming out in four streams.

He says:

- Get up on the table and I'll see what I can do.

She gets up on the table, and as he's examining her, he starts to giggle.

She says:

- It's not funny. My pee's coming out in four streams.

He says:

- It won't anymore. I took the trouser button out of there.

A question for Bill Clinton:

- What was Miss Lewinsky's most memorable feature?

→ She has the whitest teeth I've ever come across

As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired assistant into his office.

- Do you know what time we quit around here ? - he asked.

- Sure ! - the girl nervously giggled.

- Whenever somebody knocks on the door.

As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired red-headed assistant into his office. He asked:

- Do you know what time we quit around here ?

- Sure ! - the girl nervously giggled.

- Whenever somebody knocks on the door.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Four. Actually, only one to screw it in.
The other 3 are there to listen to him brag about the screwing part!

These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing, and one sperm asks the other...

- Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube???

- Naaaa, this is still the esophagus.