Random joke from this category
This guy and his girlfriend are fighting....she says "I'm breaking up with you." "Why??" he asks. She says "because you are a pedophile". He says "Pedophile?????? Hmmmm that's an awfully big word for a 10 year old."
Two guys get stuck on a desert island.
They are soon caught by the natives and brought to a village and put before the cheif.
He says to the first guy, "As punishment for tresspassing I give you a choice, death or Ru Ru".
Not wanting to die he picks Ru Ru.
He is then beaten and buggered to unconciousness right in front of his friend.
The 2nd guy when asked says "I'd rather die than suffer that". The chief says "Great, death it is, death by Ru Ru"!!!
What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?
→ Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch...
What do you call a gay man's scrotum?
→ Mud flaps!
Two homosexuals were talking when one of them happened to mention that he had gotten circumcised last week. "Can I see it?" asked the second gay guy.
So the first guy promptly dropped his pants to show off his operation.
"Oooh," squealed his friend, "You look ten years younger!"
A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in and shut the door."
The guy says "What's up?"
The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the lips."
The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion."
The parrot says "Then he fondled her breasts."
The guy says "He did??!"
The parrot says "Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking on her breasts."
The guy says "My God, what happened next???!!!"
The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
- Mom, I'm pregnant.
- How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?
- That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest.
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow gradually larger over a period of some years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow?" she asks.
The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"
Finally, something other than smiley faces....
Perfect breasts: (o)(o)
Fake silicone breasts: ( + )( + )
Perky breasts: (*)(*)
Big nipple breasts: (@)(@)
A cups: o o
D cups: { O }{ O }
Wonder bra breasts: (oYo)
Cold breasts: ( ^ )( ^ )
Lopsided breasts: (o)(O)
Pierced Breasts: (Q)(O)
Hanging Tassels Breasts: (p)(p)
Against The Shower Door Breasts: ( )( )
Android Breasts: | o | | o |
Martha Stewart's Breasts: ($)($)
OK Girls--now that you have had your laugh, remember breast cancer awareness -- so have those boobs checked out and stay healthy...
The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was aproached by his assistant.
"Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian.
"Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old blond came in last night. Dead of course"
"What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition.
"I'm not sure", replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn stuck up her cunt!"
"Are you sure?", said the Mortitian.
"Yes, come and have a look for yourself", said the assistant opening the body bag.
The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch.
"That's not a prawn you stupid wanker", he responded, "That's her clitoris"
"Are you sure?", said the assisitant, "'Cuz it certainly tasted like a prawn".
